Nowhere in the above statement did I say, "yours should agree with mine."
It is just too easy for parents to read/hear/see people doing things differently than them and automatically assume they're getting judged for not doing it that way.
When I share stories about my child, they're not layered with shrewdness toward whoever I'm sharing them with. They're just stories about my child.
It's easy to perceive things that aren't intended, and even easier to feel like our ways of doing something are being rebuked when others aren't doing them the same way.
If I'm doing something differently than you, yeah, it might mean I don't agree with your way of doing it, but that doesn't mean I'm attacking your way of doing it. Disagreement doesn't have to mean argument. But, that's all in the manner of how you receive information.
Sure, sometimes my actions are laced with resentment. To that, I say thanks to the few ladies who humor my venting sessions - everyone needs them from time to time.
Overwhelmingly, I'm just a proud parent announcing something about my kiddo. The end.
I'm passionate about schedules, breast feeding, natural foods (with limits on sugar - I feel that sugary foods are called treats for a reason and should be saved for special occasions), breastfeeding, active ignoring, and positive discipline.
Recently in my parenting journey I have been:
- Mocked for my rigidness with N's schedule
- Told my view on bf is hostile towards formula feeders
- Gotten mouth popping "I wish I had time for that," comments about homemade baby food
- Literally been teased for not giving N sugar
- Been told many times that N doesn't understand all of my explaining when I'm redirecting a behavior
When someone directly addresses something that I'm doing, you can bet I'm going to contradict/defend/rebut.
As parents, we've earned the important role of making all of the decisions for our child until they're old enough to make decisions for themselves. And, as parents, it's your choice to make those decisions however you want.
But... my consistently enforced schedule has shaped an amazing outcome in the way that N eats, sleeps, and plays. If you get by doing something different, more power to you. We're all in the same fight, and you've gotta do what works for you.
My passion towards breastfeeding is in no way a put down to people who formula feed or supplement with formula. As a mom who did bf, I can promise you it was a feat worth bragging about. Nothing more. Everyone knows the research/science parts of this argument. Which ever side you go with, own it and believe it.
If you have time to make food for yourself, I promise you have time to make food for your baby. If you don't want to use your time that way though and enjoy the conveniences of store purchased food, hey, go for it. That's what it's there for. I just do not enjoy the oh-you're-on-Pinterest-all-day-and-have-time-to-do-these-things-because-you're-a-stay-at-home-mom thing.
I do not give N much sugar. He doesn't get candy or cookies or cake or anything like that on a regular basis. Note that I did not just say he never gets any of these things. The pediatrician that we use is pretty suggestive against sugar intake anyway, so we follow her advice and believed in limited sugar anyway. If you want to give your kid a lot of sugar, that's up to you. I just don't understand why people get defensive when I'm like, 'oh he can't have that.' We literally get teased for not giving our kid sugar. When stuff like that happens, it really starts to feel like a lose-lose with the rest of the parent world.
If you believe in spankings, hand popping, time out, the 1-2-3 warnings, completely ignoring basically anything, or whatever else is out there... that is another choice you get to make as a parent. But, when I'm in the process of giving my child reasons for why he's being redirected and get sneered at it makes me want to catch one of the spanking parents not saying anything to their kid and point out, "They have no idea why that just happened." Or one of the 1-2-3 counters and say, "Why would they stop what they're doing when you say 1 or 2 when they've learned they have until 3... which never seems to be a number actually reached."
Of course, I really wouldn't ever say that to any other parent. I'm just making a point.
Despite this post, none of these oppositions matter that much to me, because I am sure of my course. Sure, sometimes the jeers cross my mind when I'm sharing something and maybe it comes out in a post, but that's only a sometimes thing.
I promise, I don't sit around conspiring all of my fb posts and blogs to be pointed towards some random person who has mentioned something opposite of what I have or am doing.
It's true, parents shouldn't put each other down. We should encourage one another and share struggles and successes. The hard truth is that will never happen though; no matter how much we say it, suggest it, blog it, tweet it, or facebook it. Our egos are sensitive and it's effortless to feel like we're constantly being judged and contradicted.
Whatever choices you're making for yourself and your child, be confident and sure about them and push through everything else. Because the everything else will always be around. Embrace the friends you can share with and even more so that ones that are supportive and encouraging. Ignore the rest of it, because anytime you try to 'clear up' your side of it (like this post), it'll still just look judgey to someone else (which I'm sure this post does). My husband always says it's like judging the judgers. Judgers will always be there to annoy and nitpick, including the judgments we pass down (and we all do).
All of that, is exactly why I feel every parent should be passionate about child rearing. Choose your side and be sure of your choice, because if you're confident in what you're doing as a parent, what everyone else does really shouldn't matter.
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