motherhood

A year ago today (at the exact minute of starting this post) I was sitting in a hospital room, scared to death, knowing my water had broken, but waiting on the confirmed swab. I was always the person scared of labor. I was not the person saying, "I can't wait to pop out this kid." 

Granted, my kid came 3-4 weeks early (depending on who you ask, but really, it was 4 weeks - his due date based on conception was March 15-18). Still. I was willing to keep him in there as long as he wanted to stay. 

Sure, I was uncomfortable. I'd started walking with a posture that was slightly leaned backward to accommodate my growing abdomen. My feet hurt and my ankles were swollen. I was tired most of the time. Putting on shoes had become a chore and sleeping through the night was long gone. 

But, I loved being pregnant. Watching on ultrasounds and pictures and measurements as my body expanded for a baby that was growing inside of me, well, that is magic. The miracle of life happening just beneath my own beating heart. 

I loved my baby so much from the moment I knew he existed, even before then.

Of course, it's a different kind of parenthood you enter upon the birth of your child. An adoring, exhausted, sleepless, worry-filled, happy, crazy life is what greets the birth of your child.

Yet, through it all, at the end of every day when I'm laying this little boy down, none of the challenges matter. I just look at that sweet face, as I sing or say bedtime prayers and my whole world is at peace.

To anyone wondering, I promise life with a child is better than life without one. I feel that I earned the right to say that too, because though I got married young, I was married for nearly seven years before having a baby. My adult, married life consisted of surviving college, starting careers, buying houses, vacations and travel and all the things in between. I lived an adult life without my son, and now that he's here I know how much I was missing from life. 

Sure, I've had the hardest days of my life since his entry into the world. I've had my moments where I just have to walk away. I have times when theatric sighs escape my mouth based on the annoyance of whatever situation I'm dealing with. I still get overwhelmed to the point of tears sometimes by all that is required of a baby, and just when you feel you've given everything even more is asked of you. Those are the bad things that people so passive-aggressively like to constantly point out to first time parents (or pregnant couples). I have vouched to never do that though, because I find that the good things so easily outweigh the hard ones.

Examples:

- Say good bye to sleep  vs  You're going to get the sweetest cuddles at night, enjoy them
- Babies are expensive  vs  Picking out stuff will be so much fun
- They ruin your body  vs  You get the reward of carrying and birthing a life
- Your life will never be the same  vs  You're going to wonder how you ever lived without them

I promise, every one of those positive things vastly outweighs the negative. So, I have no idea why we hear the negative ones more frequently. 

I can't say it enough times or in enough ways or with enough words... I love my baby. He is my everything and he's giving me a better entry into motherhood I could've ever hoped and being his mom is the absolute greatest part of my life right.