just another mother

I recently asked my husband what was the 'correct' thing for me to put on forms that asked for my occupation. Because, ya know, sometimes I wonder, what is the best way to say, "Well, I'm a stay at home mom."

Out of nothing more than curiosity, I started reading about what other people put on their forms in the same situation. Some go a little above and beyond with their creativity, and others simply defer to good ole "homemaker."

As I read one mom's blog proudly proclaiming she was an, "Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations," I caught myself chuckling throughout it, because I feel it was written in an extremely sarcastic tone, and humorously dramatized the truths of her day.

And, yet, at the bottom, my eye caught a particular comment that read, "And I'm the Queen of England! lmao Yeah, no, you're just another mother, hun."

I could talk until I'm blue in the face about all the responsibilities of a stay at home parent, I could go into elaborate detail about every little task I do, and probably provide a lengthy list of all the things I accomplish in a day week.

But it is the ignorance behind the comment that enrages me. And maybe more than it usually would have, because I'm also flustered by a similar implication from a Facebook post I read a few weeks ago. It was from a divorced man, who doesn't live in the same city as his kid, and gets his kid two weekends a month... and he was proclaiming that parenting isn't hard. And he meant it, it wasn't a troll. Trust me. He believed his statement. Within the comments of this discussion he backed his claim with things like, "Feeding kid, not hard. Playing with toys, not hard. Kissing boo-boos, not hard. Soothing a baby, not hard."

Perhaps it's simply because I am a stay at home mother, and those types of comments feel like they belittle the things that I do; or maybe I feel attacked by them; maybe they tug at some small part of my mind that says I should be doing something more or something like a 'real' job.

But, instead of turning this into just another SAHMs work hard post, I want to say something different.

I have worked in my life. I obtained my first job when I was 14 years old - and babysat long before that age. Between the ages of 14 and 18 I sometimes had two jobs. I did get married right out of high school and I started college right on time. While in college I worked 30+ hours at a job with little-to-no scheduling flexibility while also completing 18 hour semesters at a university. My last two years in school, I juggled the same academic load, a different part time job, a practicum, and an internship (all while being a wife). I have worked 40, 50, and even a few 60 hour weeks. I have worked jobs that I hated with crazy hours. I have worked jobs that definitely underpay and under-appreciate. I've also worked jobs that I loved, and with people I adore to this day.

I say all of that to say: I have some kind of comparison. Maybe not a perfect one, but one nonetheless. I'm not just some girl who got married right out of school to some rich guy and started popping out kids and 'never worked a day in my life.' And I promise you, there are days and even weeks (especially when my son was an infant) that I have wanted to go back to work because at the time it appeared easier. Do you think it appeared easier to me in those moments because holding a baby is hard; or because feeding a kid is hard; or because playing with a child is hard; or because making boo-boos better is hard? If you isolate any one task (of any job), it can sound easy.

But, to me, that's not even what it's about. It's about the lack of intelligence that surrounds the stereotype that work at home parents have the easiest job in the world. I don't know what the easiest job in the world is, but I bet my opinion of it doesn't match yours. The complexity of how hard or easy something is, is inarguably a subjective measuring standard.

So, yes, when I'm home with my little person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; when I'm cleaning up the debris from my own personal human tornado for the millionth time; when my toddler is losing his crap over his banana breaking; when I hear my name in a demanding tone a bajillion times a day; when I wrangle four small, wiggling limbs into pajamas after a bath time; when the meal I actually worked to prepare isn't touched, and then something else is asked for; when I'm so sick I feel like I can't get out of bed, and yet I don't have the option to take a sick day; when I can't just run into a store for something real quick, without an irritable child wanting something... all of it together... it is so emotionally stressful and challenging. And dare I even say, it often feels like the hardest thing I've ever done. Worth it? Always. Though I would say it's the best job I've ever had, it is very far away from easy.