sorry i'm not sorry

I have this thing that I do with every kid I've ever worked with and it was brought to my attention recently that it may be somewhat 'harsh.' 

Yeah, okay. 

It's in regards to saying, "I'm sorry."

See, I feel like this is a water-downed, over-used word in today's times. Most of the grown people I know think if they say "sorry" then that somehow makes it better. But, we all know that's not really true. So, why teach kids that? 

To me, saying you're sorry isn't about the verbal apology. It's about changing your actions to ensure you don't do whatever you've just done again. It means that you will actually change and not just say it.

It isn't just about feeling distress or remorse. I mean, how hard is it to feel bad about something you've done? Not hard at all. But changing the way you behave that has resulted in your own guilt requires an action.

So after I've sternly disciplined a child and they say, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Tessa." My almost robotic answer at this point is, "No, I don't accept your apology, because being sorry means that you won't do it again. It means that you'll change your choice next time. So, we'll see." 

Or something along those lines anyway. And guess what? About 6-8 weeks into the school year these kiddos actually start getting it! Imagine if they take that and apply it outside of the classroom too. 

I'm bringing this up because today, after a child had a serious behavioral meltdown, and after I sternly disciplined them, their parent was called to come and get them. 

Before the child left the parent told them, "Don't you have something to say to Mrs. Tessa?"

The child turned to me - and you could see the glorious reluctance in their eyes, because they know how I feel about this - but choosing to listen to their parent they mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Without missing a beat, and without dolling up my tone, I responded, "We'll see if you're sorry tomorrow, won't we?"

Of course the parent looked at me like I was a complete b****, but the child answered, "Yes, mam."

A co-worker pointed out that it might be a little harsh to enforce that type of lesson on 'kids this age' and also that I probably made that parent mad. I literally scoffed and pointed out we're not working with infants and thus this lesson is one that should be 'enforced' on every child. Then, expressed how I'm not bothered by the fact of a parent being upset with me over an issue like this. Seriously, you're child was acting like such a fool that you had to come and pick them up! Clearly some lessons need to be learned. 

I could go on a huge rant about the way children are viewed nowadays and how it has undeniably lead to the way children behave nowadays too, but I'll spare you that soapbox for now.