Most of you know that my family has been in tatters. With my sibling's terrible act of indiscretion that resulted in a new family member, which resulted in us wanting to meet that new family member, which resulted in a family fight and being disowned by the very one who is at fault.
Recently though, we had another fight with the other parent of the new family member. Because she's a terrible person. Seriously. The only reason she kept that baby is because she thought my brother might actually leave his family for her. And for the drama. I truly believe that. Do I think she loves her kid? Yes, I do. Do I think she has and/or can properly provide for her baby? No, I absolutely, whole-heartedly, do not.
To an extent, I do feel sorry for her. I mean, look at what one man has done to two separate women and on very different levels. But has anyone ever stopped to consider the fact that maybe she really did fall for him? That maybe it wasn't just sex for her? No, of course not. Who wants to consider her feelings, she's a home-ruiner after all (there's lot of sarcasm here, in case you didn't notice). Never mind the fact that the other guilty member was the one with a wife and two kids.
When my brother discovered the fight he suddenly wanted to kiss and makeup… and then have everyone testify for his side of the case. I understand how certain members of my family were eager to jump at the offer. I also understand the logical conclusion they could have reached to testify against the mother.
But, to be fair, it's all been a great big he-said-she-said. I'm pretty sure that only two people will ever really know the truth about the situation. So, I'm beyond trying to figure it out. I'm also beyond taking sides. They're all idiots. If they weren't, this situation would not exist.
My brother proposed a good argument for himself. Explaining how he'd gotten a lawyer as soon as the DNA test came in, and had evidence of his attempts to make a custody arrangement since then. His excuse for treating his family like crap stemmed from the fact that we'd betrayed him. Ya know, by meeting his daughter before him. Even though he could have come and seen her any of those times had we been on talking terms. But, who wants to dwell on the past?
The thing is, I'm not a fake person. I never have been. I know sometimes that makes me come off as sort of… mean or something. I never mean to be mean, I've just always been very honest about my feelings towards everything. Perhaps I could sensor and bottle those a little better, but I'd rather someone be honest than fake with me - even if it makes me mad. And you treat others how you want to be treated, right? Plus, I grew up with pretty aggressive parenting. So… I'm working on taming myself down. I've come a long way. I really do want to have a kind and gentle spirit. I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely. I can imagine the way I would have responded to all of this five years ago, and it's very different from the way I am responding now.
I put everything on the table. I didn't care about a making up. Especially if it meant just slapping on a smile and acting like nothing ever happened like everyone else was doing. So when the sis-in-law started texting me. I ignored it hard-core. They deserved a taste of their own medicine. Okay, that's not very Christ-like, but, I had to get myself together so that I didn't respond in an angry, irrational outburst.
When I finally did respond, I didn't hold back. I had the hub's approval. My message wasn't mean. It was just very honest. I was as kind as I could be. I worded everything in a very gentle manner. I explained all of my feelings and logical evidence for why I felt that way about everything. I provided examples of how we'd been treated, and examples of how I've been nothing but a good sister and aunt. I explained my thoughts on the core of why we were all in this mess. Everything. I said everything that I wanted to say.
It got slightly intense and we went back and forth a few times as she defended herself and my brother tooth and nail! I got pretty worked up when she said she felt none of this was her fault… or my brother's.
Gah! For real! This is almost entirely my brother's fault!
Anyway, she finally reached the point of understanding and even apologized to me. Not to sound ruthless, but I did not apologize back. I have nothing to apologize for. I haven't done anything wrong. If I had even slightly felt guilty for anything, I would have apologized. But I have seriously and literally done nothing wrong, except for maybe having a temper and attitude about things - which if I'm defending myself, and I am, I'm entitled to. I thanked her and accepted her apology though.
Two weekends later I got to see my precious, sweet, girls again! Bella hadn't forgotten me - how could she, I've always been her favorite ;) - but Makenzie had. It was sad.
I've seen them twice since the makeup though, and Kenzie has gotten over acting shy.
The first thing my brother did when I walked through the door was give me a big hug. I do love him. I'll always love him. But, I'm not sure what our relationship will be like from now on. The way he's parenting the new baby leaves a lot to be desired. It also had me on the verge of saying something this last time we were down there. I desperately hope he improves.
I also love his wife. Since they married she's always been very sweet and kind to me. With the exception of the last 7 months. Since she's been my sis-in-law, I've always gotten along with her and have always loved being around her and chatting and just hanging out.
Maybe it's another slowly, but surely thing. Maybe we'll get there again someday.
I have no idea where this is all headed, but at least it feels like a step forward.
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