Nightmare

I...on a pretty regular basis have dreams of my husband dying. A lot of my school stuff has been based on psychology so I know there are tons of explanations for it. However, I've had a lot of dreams in my life actually happen -- yes I realize that sounds somewhat crazy, yet very true and lots of people are my 'witnesses' to this (so to speak). So I never fail to be completely terrified when I wake up from these dreams. The dream, no, the nightmare was about my husband having been diagnosed with some sort of disease/illness...and something to do with his intestines...or abdominal area. The doctor had told us that he only had a very short time left to live. I was horror struck by this, I literally could not handle it. So I went all crazy and left. I left him...to die...alone. [How messed up is that?] So one of my best friends was driving me up to go stay with one of my other best friends. When we got about half way there it hit me how selfish I was being. How could I leave my scared, sick husband to die without me there with him. I knew that he wanted me there and I knew that I should be there. My entire family had nearly unclaimed me as theirs when I had decided to leave. I wanted to leave because I didn't want to see him that way. In so much pain...and leaving me. Leaving me to hurt forever and face life without him. I didn't want that to be the last memory I had of my husband, because I knew through all of our lives together...it would be the one that always stuck out more than the others. I was able to get a hold of myself and made my friend bring me back home. When I got back home the husband's mother was here (as well as other family) and they made a huge fuss about wanting me to leave...and returning and how they didn't want me there now. I fought through them (literally) and was able to get to Cory. He was laying in the bed in our bedroom, the look on his face was unbearable, yet lightened somewhat when he saw me. I rushed to his side and started to apologize and try to explain myself, but it all sounded like worthless excuses compared to what must be going on in his mind -- and it was. He just took my hand and shook his head, he put his other hand behind my neck and pulled me down so he could kiss my forehead and said, "It doesn't matter...you're here now." And then I woke up. I was trembling and and crying when I woke up. I had to get up and even pray before I could shake off that feeling of terror. But, the relief of waking up and realizing it was a dream was such an amazing feeling. I rebuked it immediately and literally thanked God it was all made up in my head. And now I feel totally restless and can't seem to get all of those images out of my head. It was so real. Scary. Side note:

• I love you with my whole heart, hubby. You are my life and though the dream holds many true feelings that would probably go through my head...I want you to know that I would never leave you! Even if I had to chain myself to you!