Do you ever find it completely mind-blowing to think about where you should be in life at this point compared to where you are? Or about where you thought you would be at this point in life compared to where you are? Maybe you're extremely blessed, lucky, and just have your crap more together than me and you are exactly where you expected you'd be.
I think plans are great. A necessity. I have plans. The hubs and I have serious conversations about our life's plans on - at least - a monthly basis. But, unfortunately, sometimes things just don't go as planned, do they? Sometimes you miss out on opportunities, whether it be your own fault or not. Sometimes, you don't take chances. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it sucks. Sometimes you just put things on the back burner until they're scorched, blackened, char and no longer able to be of any use.
I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I'm saying it again anyway. When you're a kid you can have big dreams and everyone supports it. You get a little older and they start forming into what the people around you deem as 'realist' ambitions, but no one takes you seriously yet. You get old enough to where you're forced to make a decision and the majority of us pick the route that's convenient. And by then we all have to settle in and start being mature and responsible. Right?
That's why generations and generations of families end up in the same geographical location - and in my case it's a giant hole of nothingness. Everyone talks about moving on to bigger and better things, but no one wants to make the decisions that will put them on that track. Making decisions is hard. Who wants to do that? Nah, let's just stick that one on the back burner for later. For now, we'll just go to school close to home, find a job that's suitable, probably get married and have kids, etc.
I'm one of those people. Ya know, one of the ones who followed the easy path.
There has been a lot of hopeful planning going on in my house this week though. Plans are scary, because sometimes they involve big changes. Change is scary, because we are creatures of habit and we very much like our comfort zones. I know moving on from what seems like your whole life is hard. I love my family and friends, and I like being able to see them whenever I want. But, I think it's time to make some decisions that involve only me and my husband. At some point, you have to start living your own life - for real. I have a college degree. A college degree that I pursued because I truly loved the opportunities that it could give me. Due to recent circumstances I had lost the passion that I have always had for my area of study. What the problem really is, is that there aren't any opportunities for me here.
If I were living my childhood dream, I'd be on my way to becoming an Orca Trainer right now. How silly is it to have had such a realist dream and not have pursued it? An Orca Trainer! You know why I didn't do that? Because, I didn't want to move away from my family. Yep. I've wanted to do that since I was 8-years-old. My husband is getting to do the work he's wanted to do since he was 8, it doesn't seem fair.
In spite of that, I still found something that I love. Something that I'm really good at. And I think some big decisions, some big changes, and some big plans are fixing to get put in place for my life. And even the thought of the hypothetical excites and terrifies me to death. But, it's time to get back on track. It's time to take the path that will put me in the place that I thought I'd already be in by now.
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